One of my favorite blogs, Hyperbole and a Half, went defunct about a year ago. This was right after the author announced that she had received a book deal (which I and all of her other fans were super excited about.) But the posts had diminished in frequency until the very last post. This particular post was about depression and how she feels terrible to feel terrible, because she didn’t have it all that bad. And I haven’t seen anything since. Allie Brosh come back! We miss you! We’ll forgive your absence! And here’s why:
I GET IT, GURRRLLL.
This is the first time in a month I’m updating here, and I call it Reminders because for the last month I haven’t been able to accomplish any good art work and it’s been killing me. Oh, it’s not for lack of trying. There is a 1GB (you read correctly, not 200MB, not 500MB… 1GB) PSD file on my computer right now with about 40 layers that I spent four days fucking with, trying to get it right. There were just too many layers and each one worked with various others in different ways but in order to make them do so I’d have to move them and play with the saturation and color levels and then I thought what about type and then it was oh, what if I add…ACK!
As an artist, especially one who creates best out of turmoil and uncertainty, it’s pretty hard to create when you’re not depressed enough, or when you’re too depressed. It’s a very fine line. And then, to top it all off, you walk past your art set-up every day and get even MORE depressed to be neglecting it!
Oh! You’ve reached that perfect level of depression! Or so you think. So you sit down and you put 40 layers together and argue with it for days until you’re arguing with yourself like “WHY CAN’T I MAKE IT WORK?!? It must be cause I SUCK.”
And BLAMMO. You’ve crossed that fine line and all you want to do is sit on the couch in yer underoos eating greasy popcorn watching M*A*S*H re-runs. (That may or may not be what I do. I plead the fifth.)
It’s a vicious cycle, so I’m glad I pretty much forced myself to work through this one, even if it is simple. It’s made me pretty grateful to have the tools necessary to do so.
So, you get the point. Art is hard. (Thanks, Cursive…. (One of the reasons I’ll probably not update again for about three weeks. I’ll be at Fun Fun Fun next weekend, and in order to work enough around it I’m pulling some crazy hours.) Sometimes, it’s important to appreciate other people’s art work as much as it is to make yours.)